your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
