last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
