According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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