Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All the doctor said was why
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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