He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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