you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
