she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Damn victory sex feels great
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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