Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she smelled like a LAN party
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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