Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
