my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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