Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
