Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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