Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
