I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
