dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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