When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
