turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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