dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
