He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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