in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
