Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
