I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
