His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize