the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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