I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
