guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
