Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
