she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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