wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
