I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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