A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
