Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
