I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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