we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
