She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
