You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Rumble strips road head = magical
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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