Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
