Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
