youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
