i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
