I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
