When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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