He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
