God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They took my balls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
