I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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