You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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