The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
