Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
