dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
