Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's like iHOP with fire
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
