Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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