you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
