Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
