It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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