That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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