I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
