it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
