Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
