hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
