Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
