So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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