i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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