Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize