Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
