You smell like stripper and shame
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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